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Chapter Sixteen~ Coldest of Nights |
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I watched him leave me again. I watched him drain the light from the room, all of it pulled into that pitch black abyss he called a cloak. I shivered and hugged my arms tight to my body.
This day was not starting well.
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I awoke with a strange tingling sensation in my lower back. I groaned and flipped to my stomach. For a heated second I paniced as found myself inexplicably in the kitchen, drapped over the rocking chair my grandmother left to me.
I sighed heavily and leaned back in the chair. It creaked and whinned as I slowly rocked back and forth.
Why did I have to go and do something as stupid as that? I had so many other options! Why did I have to go to Rudy!?
I felt my throat tighten and my eyes begin to fill with tears. Hadn't I cried enough? How much more self pity can unlease before I drowned?
I heard the phone chimming in the background, but it seemed so far away... I looked up only to see the whole house widen and stretch, taking me further away from the cruel humanity that lie beyond that flimsy wooded portal.
Suddenly I was angry. It burned up through my body, seething from every pore. I shout one mighty primal roar.
Everything went white, red and black. There was nothing here but rage and defeat. I wailed and screamed, feeling objects come to hand only to be flung haphazardly elsewhere.
It felt so good. I felt better than anything else in the world!
I froze and my legs buckled. I tumbled to the ground shivering again.
No, that didn't feel good. It felt good being in Anako's arms. It felt good feeling the warmth and life radiating from him when he got his job.
He felt good. He made me feel good.
Why couldn't I find that light again? Why did he have to go and steal away the precious bit I had left?
I felt only sadness and guilt. I was listless and broken. I was always broken, fractured at least. But for at least a little bit I felt whole again. When Anako's arms hid my scars and his darkness over shadowed my own.
With will of their own I was on my feet and rapidly headed away. I didn't dare argue with them. I just closed my eyes and ran all the harder.
I don't know how long I was running, I don't even think I care, all I knew was when I opened my eyes the light had returned.
I stood over a silver dipped forest, a shimmering stream carving its path through it. The silvery leaves swirled and danced across the river, teasingly dipping into its fridig waters.
I rushed down, barely slowing as I plowded into the river. Great waves washed over me, drenching me through to the bone.
But I was free and for the first time in, Goddess knows how long, I feel cleansed. I fell back into the water, floating along as the river showed me all that it sees on its daily journey.
The water lapped at my sides, purred in my ears, washed awkwardly up my nose, but most of all, it returned to me my sight.
I laughed. Probably the first genuine laugh in decades. I flowed along until I a massive wave washed over me.
I came up sputtering and shouting. The waist deep water still tried to tug me along but until I figured out what had so nonchalantly splashed me, I was staying here.
"Hey mister! Why aren't you wearing a swim suit when you'er in the water?" This squeaky voice called out.
I looked over to see a young boy and girl stading along the banks of the river. Slowly I waded over, stopping when there was an arms lenght and a half between us.
"Were you the ones that splashed me?" I asked playfully, beaming widely as I placed my hands on my hips.
The duo bubbled with laughter and clapped their hands. The young blonde gal pointed behind me.
I turned around to find three other little children on the opposite bank.
They waved and shouted, the flanking two pointing to a lanky pre-teen boy that was shivering, saturated head to toe.
I laughed at the sight. How they brightened my day. I love children.
Soon all five of them where paddeling around, splashing and giggling. I was right there in the middle, soaking up their bliss and making it my own.
By high noon the parents had joined together on oposing banks. Each staring disappointedly at their respective children.
I bowed deeply to each parent.
"Thank you for letting your children play with me and not having me hauled away for tresspassing. I truely thank you." I said to them then gathered the children in my arms. "Thank you, kids, for giving me back the sun."
They laughed, thinking my words nonsence. The sun has always been here, it was not their sole possesion, nor their parents, nor mine, yet I had some how lost it and they helpped me find it again.
I stomped back up stream, waving and shouting farewells to the bouncing becons of hope.
 Ray the Good Soldier · Wed Sep 26, 2007 @ 03:51am · 0 Comments |
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