In a world where everything is over priced.
“What, five dollars for two cans of chicken noodle soup?! Fu-- you, ---holes!”
*Can is smashed against the ground, one is thrown through a window.*
There is one man, one destiny whom stands at the door of fate.
*Beowulf appears on the screen with a Wal-Mart outfit on, with a smiley-face on his name tag.* “Hi! Welcome to Wal-Mart.” *Customer.* “Up yours!”
Beowulf: “This summer we’re going to be selling turkey cheap!”
*K-mart employee, Brecca, comes through the front door.*
Brecca: Not on my watch, Beowulf and Super Wal-Mart!
Beowulf: Brecca! Go back to that what spawned you!
Brecca: … Did you tell me to go back up my mom’s v-
Beowulf: Yes! Yes I did, because I was up there this morning before my shift!
*Brecca roars as he charges at Beowulf in slow motion, which tosses a shopping cart.*
*The Last 300 Theme Music comes on.*
*Female cop shoving Brecca into a cop car, saying to Beowulf.*
Cop: “One more time Beowulf and you’ll be in the back as well next time.”
Beowulf holding apple: “Well the people should just stop fighting me and play dead...”
Beowulf bites into an apple as a hobo pushes a shopping cart past full of apples, shouting.
Hobo: Get your apples! I promise I didn’t smear them a crossed me –ss!
*Beowulf coughs out the apple.*
*Screen goes to the front of Super Wal-Mart store, which looked fortified. Rows of carts lodged in front of the door; curtains and wooden boards blocking view through the front window; nails, marbles, industrial glue, and cheap fences fill the parking lot. It goes up to Beowulf who stands on the roof’s ledge, shouting out. “Those other superstores think they can win, but I Beowulf and my fellow Wal-Mart employees shall win this battle to protect Wal-Mart! If we win, then tonight, WE DINE IN SUBWAY… EAT FRESH.” The other employees cheer loudly.
Community Drunk seeing Wal-Mart: What the hell?! *Hit by a brick in the head from off screen. Beowulf shouts:* don’t come back Grendel, or face the wrath of Wal-Mart! *Grendel replies.* Fu—you Beowulf! *Beowulf replies.* you dumb drunk!
*The screen changes to Beowulf in the storing section in the back of Wal-Mart.* “Do do do, I love my job… AH!” *A rat leaped onto Beowulf’s face. Beowulf runs around screaming, “Get off me you, I don’t want your urine on my face damn you!” Beowulf slams his head into a garbage can. Screen goes to credits.
Coming to a Wal-Mart near you!
*Grendel is seen being hit in the crotch with a baseball bat.*
“What, five dollars for two cans of chicken noodle soup?! Fu-- you, ---holes!”
*Can is smashed against the ground, one is thrown through a window.*
There is one man, one destiny whom stands at the door of fate.
*Beowulf appears on the screen with a Wal-Mart outfit on, with a smiley-face on his name tag.* “Hi! Welcome to Wal-Mart.” *Customer.* “Up yours!”
Beowulf: “This summer we’re going to be selling turkey cheap!”
*K-mart employee, Brecca, comes through the front door.*
Brecca: Not on my watch, Beowulf and Super Wal-Mart!
Beowulf: Brecca! Go back to that what spawned you!
Brecca: … Did you tell me to go back up my mom’s v-
Beowulf: Yes! Yes I did, because I was up there this morning before my shift!
*Brecca roars as he charges at Beowulf in slow motion, which tosses a shopping cart.*
*The Last 300 Theme Music comes on.*
*Female cop shoving Brecca into a cop car, saying to Beowulf.*
Cop: “One more time Beowulf and you’ll be in the back as well next time.”
Beowulf holding apple: “Well the people should just stop fighting me and play dead...”
Beowulf bites into an apple as a hobo pushes a shopping cart past full of apples, shouting.
Hobo: Get your apples! I promise I didn’t smear them a crossed me –ss!
*Beowulf coughs out the apple.*
*Screen goes to the front of Super Wal-Mart store, which looked fortified. Rows of carts lodged in front of the door; curtains and wooden boards blocking view through the front window; nails, marbles, industrial glue, and cheap fences fill the parking lot. It goes up to Beowulf who stands on the roof’s ledge, shouting out. “Those other superstores think they can win, but I Beowulf and my fellow Wal-Mart employees shall win this battle to protect Wal-Mart! If we win, then tonight, WE DINE IN SUBWAY… EAT FRESH.” The other employees cheer loudly.
Community Drunk seeing Wal-Mart: What the hell?! *Hit by a brick in the head from off screen. Beowulf shouts:* don’t come back Grendel, or face the wrath of Wal-Mart! *Grendel replies.* Fu—you Beowulf! *Beowulf replies.* you dumb drunk!
*The screen changes to Beowulf in the storing section in the back of Wal-Mart.* “Do do do, I love my job… AH!” *A rat leaped onto Beowulf’s face. Beowulf runs around screaming, “Get off me you, I don’t want your urine on my face damn you!” Beowulf slams his head into a garbage can. Screen goes to credits.
Coming to a Wal-Mart near you!
*Grendel is seen being hit in the crotch with a baseball bat.*
