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I called Dan again... this time it wasn't his mom. I wanted to hang up before anyone picked up. I was afraid of his rejection. He said he still had work to do before Bryton came over. He seemed hurt and annoyed. I understand... I sounded like a complete b***h. He wasn't supposed to see that.. not like that. I mean I talk to Syd about some of my problems. I come to Syd for advice on Dan.. only because she is his friend and she is mine. I ask her for advice on how to make myself more noticeable.... not to complain. It must have seemed like that to Dan... that I was complaining about him. How can I complain about someone I love so dearly and so truely. Never would I do that. He can even ask Katlyn... god how I annoy her with my talk of him. How I always want to go find him in the morning instead of walking around. One glimps of him would make me happy for awhile. All I want to do is be around him long enough for a smile or a hug. If I wanted to be the center of his attention I wouldn't worry so much about invading his friend life. He's real social and I don't want to bug him too much when he's around his friends. That's one reason why I don't talk so much when I'm around him and his friends, but I listen to the conversation and talk when called apon. I became friends with his friends not to invade his life but to be able to have a conversation with them, to relate, and be friendly. This week has been pretty tough. None of it has been Dan's fault or anyone else's. With my grandpa dying, I don't know. I just feel kinda lost and needed some extra attention to feel better. On Wednesday after the morning bell rang I sat down by Dan just because I wanted to spend time with him. He asked me, "Don't you want to go to your locker?"... he said it in a way that made me think that he didn't want me around. So I left and since then I haven't tried talking to him in the morning even though I wanted to. Then when we walk in the halls together... well sometimes one or two of our friends are with and I get kinda ignored. I mean he probably doesn't do it on purpose. It's probably more that he doesn't know what to say so he flees to his comfort zone and talks to his friend and then expecting me to talk and have fun too. That's how it is for me I think. I never meant it to sound like I was complaining about it... I was just asking for advice on what I should do when it happens. I don't care right now about how I feel... I just want Dan to be ok. I never meant to hurt his feelings in anyway... I cried because of that. It felt like I just died. It was like that when I found out that he didn't like me anymore before we liked each other again. I cried a lot then... only because I was still so hopelessly in love. I mean I don't ask for a lot. I really enjoyed those days when me, Dan, and his budies would just chill. Hang out.. have fun. Nothing difficult to do at all. It really hurt when Dan said I had to many problems... it wasn't the fact of what was said.. it was just that he said it. I mean I have the normal teenage problems that everyone goes through and I have a few extra... but so does every one of us in this group. Josh, Joe, Zac, Jaron, Syd, Dan, and me... we all have our extra problems. A lot of them are pretty big and that's what makes us all apart of the group, because we are all there for each other. I don't judge any of them and it makes me more able to relate to them all. That's why I left my old friends. Josh is always there for me and knows when I'm down. He always knows how to cheer me up. Joe and Jaron I don't know a lot about.. I know more about Joe and we talk somewhat on the net and they both are pretty cool. Zac... I haven't been able to read him yet. He's different from every single one of us. He knows how to cheer me up too. Sydney.. damn to much to say about her lol. Dan... the one who caught my heart. I love his personality... I could watch him for hours trying to figure what makes him tick. How he works. I've learned a lot by just watching him, but not enough. I've loved him since the first day I saw him and I don't plan on giving up on him anytime soon. He's the only one in the group that makes my heart flutter and the only one to get through my shell or at least I let my guard down for. That's only a few reasons why I love him so much and worked so hard for him to love me back. I love him... I wanted to say that on Tuesday... but I never found the right time... I wish I would have only to see the look on his face and to tell him how I really felt.