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I don't expect anyone to get the title. Anyone who reads this anyway.
I've been doing ok. I've been getting better and moving on. And more than ever I've realized there are no people worth my time here. I felt so distant and broken, absolutely shattered and confused. I was afraid to open up to anyone anymore, afraid to put too much into a person and not get anything back. In a world where you're shunned for expressing your feelings, constantly judged and labeled, it's hard to rise above that. If you say you're sad, you're automatically an "emo kid" If you happen to not talk a lot, you're an "anti-social" If you have black clothing you wear a lot you're a "goth"
I'm not one of those retarded kids saying "LYK I HAT BEIN LABELED!1!!1~" I'm just stating the fact that people are way too easy to judge nowadays. People will always group other people into categories, it's how we keep order, it's just getting out of hand.
But getting back to the main point, ever since I finally got over him, I did exactly what I said. I said, "The day I stop loving him is the day I love no more." I curled up inside myself, and I felt like who I was deep inside was who I was showing. A confused scared child, trying to smile when the tears are streaming down her face. I was either apathetic to the world or afraid, and I felt like I needed only myself. I convinced myself that people aren't worth my time, and that they'll only ******** me over. I was afraid of any sort of physical contact. I wanted to live alone, not a single person to bother me.
But that's not right. My goal in life is to not become katomic over some guy. I realized what I was doing, and little by little, I came back. Now, I am exactly who I was. Before him and all his deciet. I can open up to a person but I'm still keeping my guard up. I'm never going to get hurt again. I breathe and live and feel alive, I feel like I'm starting over again. I feel free. I don't even think of him anymore, not even dream of him. All I can do is hope though. I Hope I can find my true soulmate, and I hope he never changes on me.
Oh, by the way, it's the day before his birthday. So I figured, though he prolly never looks in my gaia journal, I'd give him a little shoutout.
Happy 18th birthday, you decietful p***k.
-Schizoid
 Refined Corruption · Fri May 27, 2005 @ 04:17pm · 1 Comments |
