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Another update on my mothers health. The doctors think she may have a brain tumor but are still doing tests. Seriously, this sucks. I keep begging for my life to get better but it's getting worse and worse. What if she really does have one? I've seen her once in two years. I did it to be with someone I loved. She understood that, so it was alright as I was following love. But now it's been tossed away, and my reasoning for being down here for 2 years is gone. What if she passes away? Did I just waste the last couple years? You know, that she's still around?
I'm sure she'll be fine. But it's a freaking scary thought. To love someone so much to be able to leave your family behind in a place. Barely see them, but be ok because they knew you were doing what made you happy. Only to have it blow back at you in the end. My mom never wanted me to move to be with my now Ex-Girlfriend. But I did it because I was told she loved me and didn't think she could last with me being so far away. I didn't want to lose someone I cared so much about, so I up and left.
Now it looks like I may lose the people I cared about my entire life. I've already lost the girl who swore we would one day get married.
I was here so I could be with Julia, now I'm going to go back to everyone disappearing infront of me. It's real easy for me to hate myself over this. I obviously wasn't good enough for my Ex, despite how hard I tried. Now the thought of losing my parents is tearing me apart.
This is just to much to go through alone. I'm just desperately trying to cling to the guy I am and not turn bitter and mean. It's just hard now, it really really is.
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Sat Sep 08, 2007 @ 10:06pm · 1 Comments |
