Just because my mom forced me to join the Air Cadets, I seriously got emo. Which means Emotional Hardcore. I was once that cheerful person, who gave happiness to people around me; but ever since I joined that Cadet thing, I don't feel sad, I feel depressed. Sounds too strong for a word that means sadness, but you won't feel it. You might say my suffering is crap and you suffer more, but I seriously don't care. All I know is that I'm depressed.
I tried convincing my mom to let me quit it, but all she says is no, no and no. She says it's for my own good, I will get a better chance for a good job; I will get stronger menatlly and physically.... Blah blah goddammed blah.... And so she bought me a DS, most of the things I wanted, just to make me change my mind and join the Cadets.
Then my dad came into my room, he sounded serious for a minute ago, but then I feel the fake-ness of what he said, he said I'll learn obedience and team spirit. Well, I nodded and replied "Okay." all along. He acted like a best friend and said "Think about it.", patted me on my back and left.
Although they might think I sound like I've changed my mind, but in fact, no. I don't give a damn on what they say about it. I am a living thing with a brain, I know what is good for me and what not. Sure, I might be lacking of team spirit or physically strength, but I'd rather tell myself "Live with it." than change. Like, they're taking this too serious, all I want to do is something that's more mental challenging than physically challenging.
Proof that I'm better in mental stuffs:
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I am left-handed
I have won many card games and debate competitions
I can do Olympic Maths and normal Maths faster than the others in my class
Back to the emo-ness, ever since I joined the Cadet thing, I cry more often because of the things I have to suffer more than the things outside of the Cadets. I am typing this journal entry with tears. I worry about the things I have to suffer every time I have to go there; I try my best at it, still I fail it it, and will always end in punishment, which will be push-ups.
I've always thought of quitting it, but then I've thought of the negative sides. If I ever quit it, I'll lose some of my best friends/classmates, which are my only friends in school. I'll also make my parents disappoint. They might ground me, lock all my electronic devices, or even ban me from the other activities I'm currently at [and enjoying]
So, as a conclusion, I'm depressed. I'm also worried. Should I quit something that I don't like, and make all the other people I know disappointed? Or should I just stick to it and suffer to death [and that I mean real death]? Please, someone, help me get rid of the problem before I seriously cut myself.
P.S. Speaking of cutting, I once thought of suicide. But then, I really want to end my life either my accidents that I couldn't predict or natural death, rather than ending it by force and make people regret on what they did to me. I always think that it sounds convincing and might actually work, but then I will tell myself that I won't see their crying faces, nor will I finish my Pokemon games.
Joellll Community Member 
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Community Member
Even if you already know that people around you are trying to help, even if they think that being nice to you would help you feel better, or try to hide their feelings but you clearly knows what they're thinking by their actions... Would you:
1. have your mind keep that hard shell and not grasp the main part of the person's message? Or...
2. move on and do what people say and finish it? Then find time to add your hobby into your schedule?
When depressed, it's hard to put in people's feelings and words into your head because you have a lot to think about already. This brings up negative thoughts. Such as thinking other people are faking their emotions or believing that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life.
If you can put all thoughts to a side... just to understand... and not forcing yourself to believe... that other people... cares about you... for your happiness... and your future or career... then you should really really be happy. This may be the first step to lift up some of your stress.
Non-cheesy:
Okay, I'm done with the cheezy stuff. Hey DarkSpiritz, I know that I don't leave Gaia for a really long time without giving you a reason. So you better tell me what you're doing if you do become absent from Gaia for a really long time. Better tell me via pm okay? You know I don't pay attention to my profile much and read people's journals. It better not be your last will or something like "goodbye to the whole world", okay? scream
Both of us are the same. I was the freakin' turtle in the whole team, but I went through it all (always being the last one to finish). If I have to take 10x more time to crawl across the football-sized sandpit than everyone else with my weapon (literrally), while I talk to the freaking soil such as "hello, don't you dare make the distance longer for me to crawl", or "you're probably bored with people crawling across of you", at least I had fun with the experience.
I learn that, someone have to take the role of being the last person on everything *raises hand*, and that's me emo . Sure, that role is probably the lamest thing that a person could ever have in this world, but doesn't that make me special? Like a role model? People may pity me for that, but they're happy. They have someone who doesn't give up. They always say, "If Little Maddawg (my nickname) can do it, then I can do it also."