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Well, I'm moving back to Illinois soon. I'm putting in for a transfer next week. As soon as it goes through I'm leaving. It sucks that things didn't work out. But in my situation it requires efforts from 2 people. I was completely willing on my side, but not from the other. It's hard to lift something by yourself when it's a team lift.

Things could of been good. We could of had a relaxed dating relationship. Hell, I was willing to date for a while with no strings attatched. Just live in the moment, sure I'm not the best guy. But I was there and would of loved her no matter what.

But I can't change her mind without her willing to work at it. She wanted a friendship, but didn't want to try dating because it would of been "pretending" the same applies to me, I cannot "pretend" to be her friend. Not when I loved her incredibly. I can't stay here be her friend and just ache to say "I love you." but never be able to. It wouldn't be fair to me.

I never wanted to have her out of my life. I would of done anything but only friends isn't going to work. I don't deserve having to pretend after all I did.

Oh well I'm depressed but I'll be going home. It's going to hurt facing all the people who "told me so" back then. I was ridiculed in high school for doing what I did and lost some friends.

Heh, I probally should of listened. I don't regret it, I truly loved her. It just hurts that it ended up breaking off when the feelings weren't mutual. I hope she's made the right choice and doesn't regret it later.

~DJ Bothwell