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I'm a nice guy, I don't lose my temper. I keep myself cool and calm. But damnit, I'm ******** pissed. Why? I'm sure at least one of you who's reading this knows damn well why.
I've done everything to please, everything asked of me. What do I get in return? Treated like s**t and quickly discarded without a second glance. As my metaphorical emotions lay on the ground, the thrower quickly runs and picks up another thing to play with for a while.
What am I talking about? Well a phone call from a friend just told me all this. I've been shown the evidence and don't know what the hell to think. But damnit I did not deserve that. I gave all of myself for Julia, for us, and she's already going onto another guy?! Frankly, he doesn't deserve someone to act all in love with him for a couple years only to have him move for her, and then told "goodbye brother, I'm bored!"
She may be thinking, "wow it's easy to get another guy!" Yeah, it sure is because most guys only want to get in your pants. "Guys noticed me at the graduation parties!" Yeah, they noticed you were a girl, and wanted in your pants. Would they have cared for the real you? Cared for how you felt the next morning?
I ******** did. I cared, I wanted to make sure she was safe, make sure she was happy. Cared about her feelings, her thoughts, what she was doing, and where she was going.
It's freaking crazy, but I still don't want her hurt. But if this is what she can do to me and not care. Just move on her merry way, I ******** hate her.
"DJ let's be friends!"
Ok I said, let's go see a movie.
"Only as friends... maybe."
Nope, movie never happened. Dance?
"Only as friends, and I'll bring someone."
Like hell it works like that. Like I can after 3 and a half years, or it would of been yesterday. Just up and go "Ok, everything we went through was for nothing!" Like I can treat the relationship like we were in Junior ******** high school and move on like that. She told me she wanted to marry me eventually. What we had was no damn junior high relationship. So why did she treat me like one at the end?
"I'm not going to talk with you hardly the month I'm gone, get distant, and party and drink with my cousins! Oh and when I get back, after you tell me your closet aunt nearly died in the emegency room. I'm not going to show you any compassion, and move on like it's nothing. Then dump you three days later!"
She's been telling everyone we "broke up" there was no "WE" involved. She dumped me, I went to hold her hand in wal-mart and she said "You're like a brother, let's break up." While moments earlier she was making plans for the weekend! WHAT THE HELL! Then afterwards when she tells me all this.
"Let's watch a movie as friends, like nothing happened and I didn't tear out your heart! I didn't destroy your ego, and make you doubt yourself!"
We'll be friends she says, don't move though. Stay here and suffer while I go and do the same thing to the next guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not pissed at whoever this other guy is, or if there is one even. I'm pissed at her, and I do NOT want to see another guy go through the emotional heart break I did. This isn't right and I can't even picture Julia doing this. How can anyone toss someone aside and sleep at night? How can she be so cruel and freaking weird?
I asked everyone at work and told them my story. Everyone was as shocked as me and couldn't understand her mindset. Every girl I told about her saying I was like a brother couldn't believe it. They all agreed it was the worst thing to do. I'm not crazy in thinking this, EVERYONE has been agreeing. They all tell me to get even, and be mean. But I couldn't I'm nice!
I knew Julia for about 4 years. I can't even see how she had this in her. Why did she do this, is it her? Did her friends, parents, or a new guy put her up to this?
Why the hell did she give up with no effort? After all I did for her, why did she not put forth anything to making it right. How could she be so immature, how could she have not told me months ago.
"Hey, let's go and change the routine we feel to much like family and not a couple. Let's do something to fix it." How could she not communicate? I would of done ANYTHING to make it work.
Do you have any idea how many lovie emails and letters I still have from her, all the pictures from past trips and us together? Did that all really mean nothing? How could she just leave me in the dust after ALL that?
It's about ******** final, I'm moving back to Illinois. It doesn't matter if I'm taking a leadership exam at work tommorow for a supervisor job in the future. Or if I'm being flown to arkansa September 10th. I'm leaving and I'm not ever coming back once I've gone.
What if she changes her mind and wants me back? She better hurry up, and freaking prove to me that she deserves another chance. Because at this point I'm fed up and will not stand to be treated like this. I've been nice, I've been patient. But I'm not going to be someones welcome mat anymore.
After everything she wasn't willing to talk about it with me. Would only see me with her mother, and wouldn't give me any answers. Just left me in the dark and pushed me out of her life.
Could you guys ever forgive someone for this? I don't think I can anymore. Just picture yourself in my shoes.
You met a girl online, she flirted with all your friends. You eventually helped her through a tough time and then got together. You talked every night on the phone, had a fake wedding, and spent all your money just to see her in person. The years went by and she told you she couldn't go on if you weren't there in person. You move, and live with her parents. You hate her parents for the most part, but you put up with them so they'd approve of her daughters relationship. You do this, so you can continue being with her and one day marry for real. Like she said she wanted to do.
She's going to college, and so you plan on working through it for her. You might not always have time to see each other. But you have your own apartment, and hey if you got throug a year and half 620 miles apart. College will be a breeze. Even when she goes to East Tennessee, 2 years down the road. You're still willing to work through it and wait, then one day when you're settled and moved with her to her new job. You'd set up with your own career in retail and then get married!
But wait, she tells you after you move on that you're like a brother. She isn't willing to work through it and try for a while. She just moves on, stops talking to you altogether and leaves you stranded, hurt, alone and hating yourself. Everything you did for the last 4 years was for the future and eventual happiness. You cared for her, and not just for physical needs. You wrote her poetry, drew her pictures, took her out for dinner. You ached to be more passionate but her fathers 1950's morals forbid you from being lovey in the house. You had to sit up in bed, her mom was always watching. Her dad threatened you when you moved in, and looked into your background frequently on the internet. But still you were willing to continue on JUST FOR HER! Then she does all this to you. No fight sparking the dumping, you did nothing wrong. She just got bored and wanted to party around.
How would YOU react?
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Tue Aug 28, 2007 @ 01:43am · 15 Comments |
