7:54 PM Well, I got done talking with Sasha after...mmm...lets see... Today is the 11th- last time we talked was... theee 7th. I don't count the time we talked on the 10th cuz all she said was "Bathroom Break" after I greeted her and then never returned.
Anyways- college is starting in a couple weeks for her- and she's taking it hard. She feels like not enough has been done to enjoy life before she goes. Despite the fact she's constantly working and then out with her friends, there's still just not enough. I feel for her, I do- college is a big leap in life, it'll be hard especially when you're not in the same classes as your friends or not ont he same schedules as them (or even same college). *sighs*
I'm tired. I'm hurting. It's not fair to me how she does all this. I don't understand why she has to hide things- like the 'bathroom break' she took. I also don't understand why she rarely if ever talks to me. Before--- she usedta send me a PM during work to see how I was doing. It was so wonderful- it was like she actually cared how my day was.
Now I really don't see her cuz she has her own life she's doing. Doesn't have time to talk much, either online or on the phone (can't remember when our last phone convo was...) or even a text message on the phone.
She's logged off, unhappy with how today is turning out cuz she was planning to spend the day with her friend- but her friend got sick or something and now she's unhappy cuz...well... who'd want to spend time with their love, eh? I shouldn say that- I'm sure she was really lookin forward to this outting with her friend. I know how depressing it can be when you make a big plan and it doesn't happen.
*sighs* I just wish she'd start caring about me and this relationship. She doesn't do art anymore, she is always away and never contacts me or responds to any texts I send her, even ones askin how her day was and that I was thinkin of her.
She usedta call me her muse... No one ever called me that before. Now she barely calls me anything at all. She stopped doing any art- oh goodness people, she did amazing dolls from game or anime characters. Really nice ones- she was gonna draw some pics and show me how she draws now (all her DeviantArt drawings are two years old) but...they've been held off indefinately.
I don't ask for much, infact I ask so little from her. Hell I don't even attempt to tickle her out of respect for her- ME- a guy who has a tickle fetish and a girl whom said 'eh it's ok'. I don't know what to think anymore... Maybe I'm just a speed bump on her road- I thought I was a passenger in the seat next to the driver's in her car.
I'm hurting... I wish she'd help me and hug me again- and be there for me like I'm trying to be for her. But it seems like she wants her own life and doesn't even notice me anymore... Maybe I am just getting in her way...
I want my baby back. The girl who fell madly in love with me and cared about me and was really happy to see me. The one who let me call every once in awhile when I asked, the girl who was happy talking to me- so long as I was with her everything else was fine in the world. The girl who thought I could make her dreams come true by taking her out of that Hell and ending her nightmares...
What happened to her... Why has she become like this?... I don't know anymore...but man... I really don't wanna do anything right now... I have no drive what so ever because the woman; the girl who was the keys to my engine; is absent and distant... I want her back so much... I wanna be apart of her life again and make her happy everyday... I want to actually see her and talk with her and get a response-
*sighs* Well, that's my journal entry for the day- I'm ending it with that... I just don't care right now or anymore...
Quixar_the_Halfbreed Community Member 
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