1:48 AM Well, gettin rdy for bed- tomorrow is work...Well, later today is work-
*sighs* I dunno whats been goin on these past days, but really I just haven't felt right.
Mmm... *ponders* It's odd. I'm now a Vice Captain in a tickling guild- yet I never tickle anyone and no one asks about it. I always veer away from any tickling threads and scowl at them.
It's so weird- I'm in a guild- dedicated to tickling... I love tickling, and yet here I am hating it. It's so confusing. *sighs* I have no idea why I'm like this way. I see people jus go at it on the guild, or they tell me about their tickle rp's that are going on non-stop in PM's... I envy them I guess...
At the same time however, I never initiate any tickling at all. Why? Why am I so odd like this? i just don't understand it. Maybe it's because I'd feel like I was cheating on Sasha (or that if I did it, then she'd use that as an excuse if other people tortured her online/offline-which I don't like the idea of at all). Maybe it's cuz I secretly hate tickling (which doesn't make any more sense since, well, I get turned on by it and seek out new material every other day). Maybe I'm trying to impress girls online by showing them that I actually want friendships instead of making them my tickle sluts like so many tickle-loving men/boys always do...
I have no idea really. I'm just the oddball in the tickling society. And the more I think about it- the more it really hurts. I don't know what is going on with me. Everyone is friends with everyone else- they torture each other, play around, have fun all the time. I'm sure pretty much 95% of their talking is jus tickling, where the guys or girls just use the other to suite their tickling needs... But they at least interact a lot more than I ever do.
I don't understand why I'm so different. I really wish I could fix this so I could actually fit in. Maybe I think that such actions are too whorish or playerish or sluttish... I mean- all ya really do is see each other to touch or be touched... Ugh... That's absolutely disgusting. Yet here I am in a guild where just about if not everyone but me is like that.
*rubs my forehead* I don't know... I guess I'll sleep on it- Heh, as far as I know, the only one who really reads these diary things is Danielle (she's also the only one who ever posts... I don't get that though- often times I see my journals have been read 4+ times. Who are these other people?). Oh well... Tomorrow is another day to ponder my oddities. I'm an oddity in an odd society- never thought such a thing could be possible. stare sad
Quixar_the_Halfbreed Community Member 
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