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Why do things have to go from good and happy, to bad and depressing? Why do things have to happen at the worst of times? What did I ever do to deserve what has come to me. Whether it be now, or years ago. Was all my efforts and sacrifices in vain? Was all my sweat, blood and tears for nothing? Have I made the right choices? Am I were I should be and am I going to do the right thing?

Those are never easy to answer. I am completely and utterly unsure of what to do, or think. But I will not give up with out an effort. I have been through so much. I know I'm not perfect... but doesn't a human have a right to happiness?

Things will go my way, I would push forward and make things right. I will pour the entirety of my soul into this act. If I have ever been truly tested. It will be now, I will not give in and only give all of myself.

Nearly 4 years of memories and feelings teeter at the breaking point. They stand on the edge, but I will NOT let them fall easily, if I must go down that cliff with them in an attempt to save everything. I WILL.

I have little of no emotional reserves right now. I did not sleep, and haven't eaten. The only thing that is fueling me to continue on is HOPE. I will push forward and I will at least truly know I have given everything towards this cause.

The next coming weeks will be difficult for me. I suspect the hardest I have ever dealt with. But... I must hold onto my HOPE. It's all I have...

~DJ Bothwell