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well, i have a lot to write right now. lol.

work is going well. i'm up to concessions and supposedly, i'm never going back to being a runner!! YAY!!! blaugh blaugh I get paid tomorrow. it's nice.

Some people can really make you realize how much it hurts to talk about someone and how much they mean to you. I was dating this one guy and fell in love with his best friend. slutty, right? w/e. But the best friend meant soo much to me. he was so romantic, so sweet and all that other bullshit. But he broke my heart so many times. Twice, majorly. Well, first, when i was beginning to feel love for him. He was in love with his ex-girlfriend and he wanted to get back together. So, for that time, i told him how to try and make amends with her. I used to cry at night becuase it hurt so much to push him away and into her arms. The next time when i did a lot for him and then he tells me he just wants to be friends.

When my friend heather wanted me to talk about him, i did. But after her and i hung up, i was nearly in tears: it hurt so much to think about him and what we had. I hate him so much, but at the same time: i love him. If he just called me up and said: "baby, i'm sorry for hurting you. do we still have a chance?" I would be immediatly all googly and say: "of course, baby, I love you." It hurts so much to admit that, it hurts to know that he's an a**, but i heart him so much.

You may call me a whore. But you just don't know what its like. So don;t judge me until you've gone through it.