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In middle school in texas there was one boy who would say "I don't pay you to think" and he'd win arguments with that. I hate him with all my guts. I was just thinking about him, this late at night, an burst into tears and sobs. I don't remember the last time I cried like this. I wonder if something's going on, asides from the stress of moving and leaving everyone I know again, and I still don't know how to communicate with someone when they have any defenses up at all. And I feel more and more like everyone has them up all the time. And I'm going to move without talking and joking and having fun with them ever again.

But I know I'm being paranoid, and it's mostly my being tired and irritable right now in the middle of the night that's keeping me from connecting.

And I don't know why thinking of being a depressed kid would make me burst into tears all of a sudden in the middle of the night, its not like thats happen since I was a kid.

But, yeah, I have no respect for people, but I still have more than that boy. I try to lead people to overcome my lack of respect for them?

And... I know I'll have to leave here before I can find someone to comfort me when I'm irrationally sad.