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I don't know what it is...maybe I am in denial. Maybe I refuse to open my eyes up and see...but I don't want to be stuck where I am forever. But now, that we are actually trying to save money to move...every fricking possible thing goes wrong.
My washer machine breaks.
A tree is about to fall on my house.
My baby (my car) breaks down and I have no idea why.
I get turned down for this job I wanted.
My van needs tires.
Just so much expensive sh*t is piling up and I really want to cry. But I hate crying, I hate the way I feel after I cry. I hate all of it. Is it so wrong to get away from this frickin' hell hole and want I better life for my children? Is it so wrong to want to leave a stagnant pond? All I want to do is get to Florida or North Carolina-and it seems like no matter how hard I try, it's never going to happen. I am going to rot here. My inspiration and talent is going to go to waste and I am going to end up lying down and wasting away.
I don't want that. I don't want to end up a small fish in a even smaller pond. There are so many ideas and dreams I have, so much talent that I need to embrace and nurture. My children start school soon...they don't need an education here...in Delaware.
I just needed to rant and get that out. Writing helps alot, but I still want to cry.
 Naree · Wed Apr 27, 2005 @ 05:07am · 0 Comments |
