Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I feel like the only way for me to ever be able to move on from Scott is by seeing someone else. I know it's horrible sounding, but I can't help but feel that way. I really want a truly close relationship with someone. I mean I really want a connection. I tricked myself into thinking I had one with Scott, but I've now come to see that I wasn't really in love with "him". But, more in love with the fact that I was in a relationship with him. It was hard to accept, but I fought through my feelings and I have gotten there. For now, I only wish to remain friends with him. He's too cool to be put out to pasture. I want to keep him around. He's a good influence on me I think. But, I still have this craving for someone. I don't konw who, just someone who will be interested in me for who I am. That's what I was looking for in my last relationship, but my needs weren't satisfied. So, I have this terrible urge to have someone who cares about me, just as I would care about them. This is a strange stage that I'm in. I'm not quite over Scott yet, but I'm also considering other guys now. For some odd reason, I feel like I'm betraying Scott. Even though he broke up with me, it just doesn't feel right... even though I need it. I really don't know what's coming next. But, whatever it is... it better be good because I can't take much more of this whole "heartbreak" thing.