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1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the a**
and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time",
would pretty much do it.

2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.

3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it
would only occur in leap years.

4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get
the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.

5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly
the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

6. Garbage would take itself out.

7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement
mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the
most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.

8. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be
Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.

9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."

10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

11. Two words "Ally McNaked."

12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck
answer you responded with would actually reduce
your fine.

As in: Cop:"You know how fast you were going?"

You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all
over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".

13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.

14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.

15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail
Free cards per year.

16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of
conversation.

17. The victors in any athletic competition would get
to kill and eat the losers.

18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sport car,
as long as you returned it the following day with
a full tank of gas.

19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring,
you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam
hand that said, "You're#1!".

20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you
during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the
corner of the screen during a time-out

21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed
as an acceptable response to "I love you."

22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night,"
would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and
you would jump out of your window and slide down the
tail of a brontosaurus and right into your,
car like Fred Flintstone.

25. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for
violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

26. Hallmark would make "Sorry,
what was your name again?" cards.
rofl