Wow. I've really been in a weird mood lately. I'm about to ramble on about my problems, so be forewarned. Then, I have some nice little rants prepared for you! Yeah, I know, I'm so nice and generous.
Kay. I'm not sure what the heck is wrong with me. One minute I'm okay, and the next, I'm a nervous wreck. I think I'm going insane. (not that I already didn't have my own fair share of mental issues... *evil laugh*)
I haven't taken my dad's ring off my neck yet (except when I sleep, because choking is a bad thing.) And I start crying whenever I see anything a.) Japanese, b.) unusual, or c.) related to Tim Burton. I talk about him in the present tense, and I've been sick lately for no real reason, which the doctors say is normal. Every time I hear that, I want to rip their heads off. I don't want to go back to school tomorrow! I can't do this (I don't think I can do this, that is). My concentration is shot and I'm insanely tired. I keep waiting for him to call me and annoy me about what we'll be doing next weekend, when it's his turn to see me. It took me a very long time to de-program his number from my cell phone, and I kinda regret doing it even though I had to eventually.
Another weird thing: I was in my shower, listening to Slipknot on a CD player that was from my dad's house. It was track 10 on Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses, Before I Forget. I had the volume at about 21, which is average, but then during the chorus, it suddenly jumped to 31 and literally froze. I jumped out of the shower and started trying to turn the volume down, but it stayed at 31, which is really insanely loud. That's probably the only volume level my dad would be able to hear, were he still here. He was legally deaf, and listened to everything ultra-loud rather than put his hearing aids in (which is why the neighbors moved away XD I'm so proud of him) I freaked out, and yanked the plug out of the outlet, then ran downstairs screaming. Yes, I am incredibly brave *choke*. My mom says that it could have been my dad, trying to communicate with me, but I don't know. He's already appeared in his girlfriend (who is one of my best friends and my mentor for world domination)'s dream and her friend was asked to pass on a message from him that she had dreamed, so it's only apt that he finally get to me, since I can't remember my dreams (let alone my name at times). I don't know anything anymore. I just want to survive this.
And now, for a rant.
I hate it when people say, "I know how you feel," or act like they know what you're going through. Because 99.9% of the time, they don't and they think they're just going to make you feel better. I'd rather have people feel bad for me (which I absolutely hate) than tell me they understand what I'm going through. And it's not just with me, either. They think they're helping out, when they only make us miserable people more miserable.
I'm off to listen to really loud, obnoxious music, so that everyone on this planet (except my friends and God and such) will leave me alone. Especially those that "know what I feel".
((Edit: I just realized how cliche-depressed-ish I sound. Augh! This can't be happening! Cliches are the enemy!))
moderne Community Member 
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