Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I'm tired of getting blown off. Tired of people avoiding me. I don't know why I still like him... Maybe I just have a hope that he's not avoiding me. That his reasons are true. that he really does want to speak to me and to spend time with me. Maybe I'm setting myself up. Maybe this is all bullshit. I shouldn't trust so easily, but I do.
I always have, and I probably always will.

I just don't want to lose so much blood over a single person. I don't want to get hurt again because of something so stupid, but important to me. I don't want to have to watch the one I love love somebody else.
That might sound selfish, but it's how I feel. I don't want to have to go through the same pain so many times in a row. I just want someone to love me for who I am. Forever. Someone that i can love in return. I'm probably asking too much from too many people. They shouldn't have to put up with all of my bullshit. They shouldn't have to look at my arms and hands and worry about me. I was recently told that I don't care about anyone but myself. And as much as I don't want to admit it...
It's probably true. Wouldn't it make sense? I help others with their problems because they help me with my problems. But would I help someone if they didn't help me?
I probably would.
I don't know... I just don't know. Nothing seems to make any sense anymore.

I'm so sorry if you think I'm worthless.
It's probably true, anyway
Thanks for caring, though.
And leading me on
And blowing me off
And watching me cry.

Thanks.