Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

It seems I am lost in thought again, an all too familiar notion. I've been thinking, if not overthinking, the situation between me and Derek, and I am wondering if what I am doing is right. I do quite enjoy being with him, he is such a good person, tattered and frail as I am sure his soul is, he is so strong and bold. Something about him inspires me, but that is no new notion. There is a far to obvious familiarity to him, everything about him, some how it recalls the memory of one that had once been pushed far from my thoughts. It's like a knife, the memory, striking up with a vengence to steal my hours of sleep with thought. I never want to compare Derek with this voice from my past, but somehow the similarity strikes in many eyes. Even Katie has asked if there is something similar. I even called that past up, speaking to him, hoping to reconcile my demons, but failingto say anything to change my mind. I want to talk to Derek, to know him more, and prove to myself that they are far from the same, but some how I can't bring myself to strike the sort of conversation that would prove anything. It's all just small talk really: music, work, family, that's it. Nothing beyond that. I don't see him very often, but when I do, it means alot. I guess this lack of sleep has finally broken me to a state of insanity, but I want to know...
Why does this have to come up in such a way?