I think I should just go ahead and end my life. I seriously don't know what's holding me back! It's not like anything to really live for. I should drop out of school too. I mean, I don't even know why I'm going anymore. It's not like I have any goals or anything. School is just wasted on me. I'm wasting my teachers' times!
I feel like I'm a burden on everyone! There's just SO much s**t going on. I don't know. A lot of people say that suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem. But, the problem is me myself! I'm NOT a temporary problem! I feel so utterly alone! I can't go to ANY of my friends(my friends in real life, if you would even call us friends!) because none of them can begin to understand. In fact they probably make a joke about it or pass it along until my whole city knows! I guess it's just best to suffer in silence, but doesn't that lead to insanity?
I feel like I am going insane. Heck, I feel like I AM insane. Like last night I had to stay up late to finish a project for school. I was already sick and nervous and paranoid to begin with. I had stayed up until about 4:00 a.m.(and I still didn't finish!), I know that may be nothing to a lot of people but, when you barely get 2 hours of real sleep at night, it is pretty late. So, I went to bed and I set the alarm clock for 5:00, just an hour later. So, I went to sleep. Oh sleep! My oasis! But in the middle of dream, I suddenly heard the annoying blaring of the alarm clock. They sounded like an unholy wraith screaming to me and just saw flashes of my school work just flashing before my eyes!(You know, I'm starting to realize how pathetic I must sound.)
But then, I felt like I was going mad and I had grabbed my head with my hands in a panic! (I know. This sounds SO pathetic!) But, even though I only had about an hour of sleep here I am at school, contiplating suicide, like I ususally do everyday. But, I'm dead serious about it! I really should stop talking about it and just do it! People don't normally take people seriously when they threaten to kill themselves. Why? I don't know. It's idiotic really! If someone tells me....(I'm getting off subject.) I finish this little rant in another journal entry. I have no more to say for now. Blessed be your days and lives.
 Gothloli-chan · Fri May 18, 2007 @ 02:42pm · 1 Comments |
