*Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
*When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
*Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
*Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
*There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
*Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
*Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
*When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
*Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
*The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
*When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
*Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
*There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
*Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
*If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
*Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
*Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
*Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
*In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
*According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
*There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
