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The glass spreads
in my sight, shimmering.
It's so smooth and still
I can see my face. And
so I sit on the banks
of the stagnant world
below me and close my
eyes. I listen to the
birds, who sing of
the dawn and the dusk.
I feel the cool breeze as
it encases me in its purity.
And then my hand brushes
something smooth, so
smooth and soft but
solid. I lift the object up high
but my eyelids remain shut.
A pebble. All it takes is a
pebble in the water to
make the biggest wave.
I've heard that a butterfly's
wings can cause a hurricane,
cause such disaster that no
one stops to think of the
butterfly. But a shatter in
the glass, a simple ripple in
the water will not hurt. I
lay my head down against
the rough bark of a willow
and I release my shining
soldier into the glassy
wonderland of stillness.
My eyes snap open. A
ring. Two. Three. Four.
A natural disaster now
rests on my shoulders.
But the ripples make me
feel safe in the comfort
of the forest. My eyes
start to close, content.
And at the moment a
permanent sleep forms,
I hear the splash of a
pebble, another one, just
around the river bend.
- by Theatrum Est Diligo |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 06/30/2010 |
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- Title: Ripples
- Artist: Theatrum Est Diligo
- Description: This is a poem I wrote a while back, and I was wondering if people could critique it? I mean, yeah, please rate it, but if you would comment saying what you like and what you don't, what is good and what needs work, that'd be great!
- Date: 06/30/2010
- Tags: ripples
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Comments (2 Comments)
- TheToastyKnight - 07/13/2010
- *jaw drops* wow
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- StarStuph - 06/30/2010
- That is absolutely beautiful. I love the way you use very concrete images, no floating out in space metaphors, and the open ending is great, you dont fall into the trap of telling your readers absolutely everything, you let them imagine an ending for themselves. These lines: "A natural disaster now / rests on my shoulders." are superb. It is so elegant. Congratulations on writing such a lovely poem, and thank you for sharing. =)
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