- i have seen the death toll only raise with out any breaks and hardly anyone is do a thing to help it seems like the only thing every one wants is to steal and get in to a gun war but think look at the other people eyes the person that falls the pain and anger only gose to the person friend and family the one that stands can never turn back to befor the trigger was pulled and is never the same now to stealing when people steal some one has to pay for that and its you and me that pays for it they use taxes to pay for the stolen things and a theif steal from a family the theif didnt only take the item/s you took the felling of safty from them and from that point the will always be on the edge cause the wont know if the theif will come back and the theif is now stuck with what the thief done the theif can return everything the theif took with the theif hands but the theif cant return the peace of mind now i ask is it worth it real worth it
- Title: titleless
- Artist: fire48
- Description: it what gose on in my head
- Date: 02/08/2010
- Tags: there tile good
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Comments (5 Comments)
- purpleturtle25 - 03/09/2010
- You are such an AWESOME writer!!!!!! You can tell it's from your heart and truth! WOW!!!
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- fire48 - 02/11/2010
- its a rant not something i am sending this to like the king of somewhere realy i do rants i dont try to make the perfect of perfects things
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- Alexanderpia - 02/11/2010
- COMPLETELY~*** agreed with Gravity Dragon, here. Your story can be better then the Twilight Saga, better than Harry Potter or Fruit's Basket-- but your reader will be distracted with grammar mistakes. Like when you're reading aloud in class and everyone stops because the publisher forgot to put a period at the end of a paragraph, in 4th grade. smile
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- Gravity_Dragon - 02/08/2010
- Okay, first off, Punctuation is your friend. Capitalization, commas, periods, ect. I'm seeing a distinct lack of all of these. I'm also noticing a rather large number of spelling and grammar errors throughout this piece. The concept is good, but the delivery needs some serious work.
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- iNk_mAy - 02/08/2010
- I think you're heading in the right dirrection...needs some tweakage but the idea is there... I don't know if this is considered poetry or free verse?.. But eh.
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