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She lays back,
acts like she has it under control.
She won't scream,
won't ever ask for their help.
Now it's too late,
help is too far away.
She's sure she can make it back,
starts swimming for the shore.
But she's dragged under,
breath exploding in bubbles all around.
She claws to the surfaces,
drags in a deep breath
For a short-lived scream
before she's dragged down again.
Her vision's going black,
she can't even hear her own screams.
Now there is no going back,
she's lost to the world.
- by lady P A II N__xx |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 01/10/2009 |
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- Title: The First Time I Failed
- Artist: lady P A II N__xx
- Description: I have to turn this in to my creative writing teacher on Monday and I want some reviews and critics. Don't be nice because my teach won't be. I'm using a metaphor of drowning for failure, so that makes sense, right?
- Date: 01/10/2009
- Tags: first time failed
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Comments (4 Comments)
- HH-ThePinUp - 01/24/2009
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I like this Poem
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- Moonlight_Maiden123 - 01/10/2009
- ok then ill correct myself, add more anout drowning in metaphor form
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- bombass_chikk - 01/10/2009
- This reminds me of the part from Twilight : New Moon when Bella was drowning. 4/5
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- Moonlight_Maiden123 - 01/10/2009
- ok, if ur teacher wants metaphors of failing,add more! u only had like two in the whole thing
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