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the sun is gone behind the smoke
but this is not my darkest day
even though i start to choke
its not my darkest day
though the children do not play
still its not my darkest day
with all the horror i still stay
for it is not my darkest day
I was asked by you
what is my darkest day
i say the day i lose you
that would be my darkest day
- by Sings_to_the_moon |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 10/19/2008 |
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- Title: my darkest day
- Artist: Sings_to_the_moon
- Description:
- Date: 10/19/2008
- Tags: darkest
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Comments (1 Comments)
- E d i b l e F l o w e r - 02/06/2009
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The first two stanzas are fairly good, the repetition is nice, but the third one doesnt really match. If you cant quite tell what I mean, try reading it aloud to yourself. The rythme just isnt consistent, which isnt always bad, but in this case its more of an amatuerish mistake. Also, you need to capitalize your "I's."
The only way to get better at finding and keeping a steady rythme/beat is to practice, so keep writing and good luck~ - Report As Spam
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