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watch the rain fall.
watch it poor.
as we sit in this bench under the
old oak tree we planted when we were
young.i give you a hug and a peck on the cheeck
soaking wet from the rain of what we speak.
mabye somday we'll be happy again and the rain well never end.
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- by Alexa Is Gonna Kill You |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 08/13/2008 |
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- Title: watch it rain
- Artist: Alexa Is Gonna Kill You
- Description: what does the title tell you <.<
- Date: 08/13/2008
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Comments (1 Comments)
- Kibroth - 02/02/2009
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Nice poem, subtle imagery is nice.
Suggestions: (Likely) spelling errors- line 2, "pour", line 7, "maybe" "someday" and "will".
Additionally, I'd remove the periods and make "young" on line 5 it's own line.
I'd suggest (slightly) rewriting line 7 as-
"Maybe someday we'll be happy again
and the rain we share will never end"
I like what you've done though. Good job.
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