- Running. Pant, pant. Tripping "Ouch!" stinging, getting up, running again. "Heh, heh." I heard something coming. "Die!" Pain, blacking out. Waking up looking aruond. Thinking; where am I? Voices, "He doesn't remeber anything?" "Nothing." "How will he save us?" "I don't know?" Memories rushing back to me, I am their savior? I don't know what to do and the people are coming in. "Its so good to have you back...."
- by Pandora the Wonderful |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/10/2009 |
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- Title: Memories
- Artist: Pandora the Wonderful
- Description: Its the first one in a series I've wanted to do, please comment even if you hate it.
- Date: 07/10/2009
- Tags: memories heroes pain
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Comments (4 Comments)
- Coryen2 - 07/23/2009
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ground.
Landing heavily into a bush of stinging nettles. I gasped in pain before hauling myself up and continuing to run. I had to keep moving. If I didn't, they would catch me and all would be lost.
As a rough chapter plotline though, it definately has potential. - Report As Spam
- Coryen2 - 07/23/2009
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It could use more descriptions and paragraphs. The actions are okay, but it would flow better if you were to turn them into complete thoughts, for instance: "Running. Pant, pant. Tripping 'Ouch!' stinging, getting up, running again." would become something along the lines of:
My lungs burned as I ran from my pursuers. My breath became ragged and sweat began to run down my forhead, making my eyes sting. Sweeping my arm up to wipe away the sweat, I tripped over a root sticking out of the - Report As Spam
- Mr Thelma - 07/10/2009
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I like it.
smile
5'd - Report As Spam
- Pandora the Wonderful - 07/10/2009
- Comment even if you hate it. Pwetty pwease.
- Report As Spam
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