• Central Squirrel Revival


    “Get rid of it.” Roy glared down at his eight-year-old niece, Nichole.

    Nichole pouted. She was cute as could be; her short, black hair was pulled into a couple of pigtails on either side of her head, her bright blue eyes peered up at her uncle innocently, and the adorable image was completed by a powder-blue dress and black dance shoes.

    And she held in her hands, a squirrel.

    “But Uncle Roy!” The little girl began, but Roy cut her off.

    “Don’t start.” Roy snapped. “I don’t want that thing to get loose in Central HQ and start causing trouble.”

    “But he’s hurt.” Nichole practically whined. “His right paw’s all crooked, look!” she held up the paw.

    Roy sighed. He crouched down and put a hand on Nichole’s shoulder. “Let it go.” He said gently (or as gently as he could muster). “It’s a wild animal, and quite frankly the last thing central command needs is a squirrel going berserk in the hallway.”

    Nichole pouted. Clearly she was going to attempt to use the pity party trick.
    Not gonna work.

    “You know, if you don’t let it go I’ll tell your dad not to give you any desert tonight.” Roy said. Nichole glared at him, clearly upset.

    Then she sighed like all little kids do. “All right. I’ll let him go.” She said dejectedly.

    Roy smiled slightly and patted her on the head. “Good girl.” He said as he stood up. “Now I’ve got a meeting later, so try to stay out of trouble, ‘kay?”
    “Okay.” Nichole said. She ran off, taking the squirrel with her.

    ***

    “I can’t leave you here.” Nichole said staring at the squirrel. “What if some mean animal comes and eats you?”

    She was lying on the grass, the squirrel in front of her, her head in her hands and cocked to the side.

    “I really wish I knew what to do with you.” She repeated. The squirrel just looked towards the source of the voice, then went back to looking for nuts.
    Then she was spotted by Alphonse. He recognized her as she stroked the squirrel’s tail.

    “You must Colonel Mustang’s niece, Nichole.” He said. Then he saw the small cloth tied around the squirrel’s right front paw. “What happened to it?” He asked.

    Nichole looked from Alphonse to the squirrel. “He fell out of a tree and hurt himself.” She said. “And who exactly are you, Mr. Armor Man?”

    Alphonse was surprised by little Nichole’s sudden outburst. “I’m Alphonse Elric. I’m sure your uncle has told you about me.”

    Nichole shook her head. “No. My Uncle Roy doesn’t tell me hardly anything that happens with his job here in Central.”

    “Oh.” Alphonse replied. Not too surprising, after all, how was a little girl supposed to understand what happened in the average day of a State Alchemist?

    “He has told me a little about you’re brother though.” She said. “Although I find it hard to believe that a boy as short as Edward is the older brother and you’re the younger.”

    “You’re not the first one.” Alphonse laughed. He went over and sat down next to Nichole. “So you’ve been taking care of this little guy?” Al asked.

    Nichole nodded. “Yeah, but Uncle Roy told me to get rid of it.” She sat up and crossed her legs like Al had his. “I don’t want to let the squirrel go though.

    He’s so cute and cuddly and his paw’s still hurt. I don’t want to let it go just so that it can get killed!”

    Tears were welling up in the little girl’s eyes. Al sighed, she really wanted to take care of the squirrel until its paw was fully healed, but he knew they wouldn’t be able to convince Mustang to let her keep it, so Alphonse made a proposal.

    “Why don’t you let me keep the little guy so that he doesn’t get hurt.” Al said to the teary-eyed girl.

    “You’ll really do that!?” Nichole said excitedly.

    Alphonse nodded. “Yup. He’ll be nice and safe inside my armor.”

    Little Nichole’s face immediately broke out into a big grin. “Ohhh, thank you, Mr. Alphonse!” she hugged him tightly, then picked up the now sleeping squirrel, and handed it to Alphonse. “Just take good care of him, okay?”
    “Don’t worry, I will.” Alphonse replied.

    “Al! C’mon! Or we’ll be late for that meeting with that idiot colonel!” Ed shouted from across the courtyard. Clearly, this meeting they had to attend was the last thing he wanted to do.

    “Coming, Brother!” Al replied. With a last wave to Nichole, he dashed over to where Edward was waiting, grouchy as could be.

    Nichole waved back. Mr. Alphonse will keep that squirrel safe. She thought smiling. But I just hope there’s enough room for the squirrel in there.

    ***

    A few minuets later they had arrived and taken their seats in the meeting room.

    The group which was there consisted of the following; Edward and Alphonse Elric, Colonel Roy Mustang, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, Second Lieutenants Jean Havoc and Heymans Breda, Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes, Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery, Major Alex Louis Armstrong (with his shirt on, thankfully), Second Lieutenant Maria Ross, Sergeant Brosh, and recently commissioned Privet Scheizka.

    And the man who had called them here (and sitting at the front of the table) was none other than the Führer himself; King Bradley.

    When the meeting began Ed almost immediately zoned. It was once again about another mission that they were all going on (hard to believe, I know). It was the first time in a looooong time.

    And it was probably something that wouldn’t happen for another ten or so years.

    Then a soft ticking started in Alphonse’s armor. Oh man, he thought worriedly. I hope this squirrel stays.

    Turns out it didn’t.

    The bushy-tailed rodent found a way out. Al felt the furry bundle slip out. Dammit. Was the only word that went through his mind before…

    “YYYEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Scheizka shrieked. (Unfortunately for Hughes, who was right next to her.)

    The squirrel had run right across her legs, under her skirt. She jumped up from the chair, causing the squirrel to drop to the floor, and, in a rush of brownish-red fur, ran up Hughes’s pant leg, thus causing him to promptly jump form his chair as the squirrel made its way up his leg, which he began to shake in an attempt to get the squirrel out.

    That’s when Mustang reacted. He got up form his chair, spotted the rapidly moving lump of the squirrel (which was having a rough time trying to hang on to Hughes’s dancing leg) and took aim.

    “Don’t you dare!” Hughes yelled when he saw what Roy was about to do. “I’d like to come out of this alive, thank you!”

    As the fiasco of getting the squirrel out of Hughes’s pants went on, Edward turned to Alphonse. “Al,” He said menacingly. “Did you have something to do with this?”

    Alphonse shook his head in a panic. “N-no! I don’t have any idea how it got in here!” he replied hurriedly, trying to cover up the fact that he was the one who had brought the squirrel in via his armor.


    “s**t!” Hughes yelled as the squirrel sped out of his pants and over to the other side of the room.

    “CATCH THAT SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!!!” Havoc yelled pulling his gun, but Hawkeye was one step ahead of him. She had already pulled her gun and was shooting at the terrified animal.

    Not to mention that Mustang was shooting fireballs at the squirrel as well, causing it to become even more scared as it dashed under the table and out of sight.

    Both Fuery and Breda, who had been chasing after the brown-red ball of fur, ran to either side of the table after the squirrel, and as the rodent disappeared they both shot under the table, only to bump heads in the middle, no squirrel between them.

    “Where’d it go?” Mustang asked, hand raised, still in preparation to snap.
    Armstrong sat completely still. The squirrel had ran up his pants and sat, and it wasn’t showing any signs of moving anytime soon.

    “Major Armstrong, why aren’t you helping your comrades search for our visitor?” the Führer asked, looking at Armstrong.

    “Sir, I’m not about to move as I know exactly where it is at the moment.” Armstrong replied tensely.

    “Where is it then.” the Führer stated.

    Meanwhile, both Mustang and Hawkeye overhear the exchange of words between Armstrong and the Führer, and the two look around just as Armstrong points to what seemed like a spot on his chair and said; “Right here.”

    Hawkeye held up her gun to shoot, and, at the same time, Mustang held up his right hand to snap.

    “Don’t you dare.” Armstrong said slowly. “If the both of you value your lives, then I highly suggest you don’t shoot” he stood up slowly, at which time the squirrel decided it was a good time to leave, dashing down Armstrong’s other leg, causing the Major to start shaking his leg in an attempt to get the rodent out.

    The squirrel hit the ground, jumped to the table and started using people’s heads as jumping stones.

    When the squirrel landed on Havoc’s head, Hawkeye spotted it. She aimed her gun at it, and when Havoc saw the weapon was pointing towards him, he went into an immediate state of panic.

    “Don’t shoot!” he exclaimed, his eyes wide, hands out in front of him in an attempt to shield himself.

    The squirrel saw the gun, and all at the same time Hawkeye fired her gun, the squirrel jumped from Havoc’s head, and Havoc ducked, swallowing his cigarette in the process.

    As this happened the rodent landed on Falman’s shoulder, dashed across his back to the other side, and made a leap for the table.

    The pesky rodent started to run across the tabletop, and once Mustang saw this he dashed to the other side of the table to catch the squirrel. Only problem is, it didn’t quite work.

    “Oh, s**t.” He said when he saw the squirrel hit the ground, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, the rodent ran up his left pant leg.

    “HAWKEYE! DON’T EVEN THINK OF IT!!!!!!!” He shouted. The squirrel had just made its way up his one leg and paused. Hawkeye had her pistol trained on the spot the rodent sat, shivering in fear. Mustang had seen this, and wasn’t very thrilled. “Lieutenant, if value your life and don’t want to find yourself cleaning toilets for the next year I suggest you don’t shoot!”

    He stepped back, and felt sharp rodent claws scratch at his privets, hard and fast. He froze, and sure enough the squirrel ran down his right leg and out of his pants.

    The squirrel ran for it at the same time Mustang was doubled over in pain (who wouldn’t after they had just had a squirrel run across their balls), and made a jump for the window.

    Edward saw this, and got up from his seat to open the closed window, and before he could get there he felt the squirrel land on his blonde braid.

    “Edward! Hold still!” Hawkeye shouted as she fired her pistol over and over, Ed running for dear life from the woman.

    “Kind of hard to do at the moment, Lieutenant!” He exclaimed, still panicking. “After all, with you shooting that gun, of course I’m going to run!”

    Ed dove behind the Führer and made himself as small as possible. The squirrel saw opportunity of safety (…sort of…) and dove into the folds of the Führer’s half-cape.

    It crawled onto the older man’s shoulder and curled up, seemingly relieved after the violent fiasco.

    Major Armstrong snuck around the other side of the Führer, Alphonse in close pursuit, and picked up the terrified rodent by the scruff of its neck and handed it to Alphonse.

    “I’m glad that’s over.” Fuery said striding over to the window in order to open it. Alphonse put the squirrel on the sill, and once the rodent saw it was in the clear it scampered down the side of the building and up the nearest tree like its tail was on fire (and was probably a little singed, considering how it was being chased by fireballs courtesy of Colonel Mustang).

    The Führer cleared his throat, beckoning the officers back to their seats (although it was a little hard for Mustang and Hughes to get there considering how they were both sore in the privets), and stated; “I know this meeting is of utmost importance, but with the recent incident (“No freakin’ s**t.” Ed commented grumpily.) I believe it would be best to postpone this meeting for a reasonable amount of time for us all to recover.” He said as dignified as possible. “Dismissed!”

    They exchanged salutes and left the room, relieved the fiasco was over.

    ***

    Roy slid down into the chair behind his desk. He was relived that the fiasco with the squirrel was over, despite the fact he was still sore from the rodent’s claws.

    His foot hit something underneath the desk. He leaned over and peered underneath to find out what he hand kicked.

    His eyes went wide. There was an open box under his desk, and inside it was, angry at being woken up so suddenly…

    “SKUNK!!!!!” Roy yelled dashing to the other side of the room. Too late, the skunk had already let loose.

    The Flame Alchemist had been skunked.

    Slowly, he opened the door to his office, stepped out into the hall, closed the door, and walked down to the secretary who kept track who went into the offices and came out.

    “Hello, Colonel Mustang. Is there something wrong?” She asked looking up at him.

    “Was anyone in my office while I was at the meeting earlier?” He asked.

    “Why, yes.” The secretary replied. “Your niece went in there fifteen minuets ago. Sir, are you all right?” She saw the strained look on the Colonel’s face.

    First a squirrel, and now a skunk. His office (and not to mention his uniform) was going to stink for days.

    “I’m fine.” He said, his voice sounding more constricted than normal. “Just, make sure nobody enters my office for a while.”

    “All right.” The secretary said, sounding slightly concerned. She went back to her paperwork as Mustang went back to his now stinking office.
    That girl is dead meat. He thought grumpily.